THIS IS ME!

I have many titles.  

I am a wife.

I am a Mormon. 

I am a mother.

I am a self confessed book worm. 

I am a memory keeper.

I am a piano teacher.

I am a party planner.

I am a schedule organizer. 

I am a maid/housekeeper/cook.

I am a gardener. 

Some days I find sunshine all along the way, but most days there are hiccups too - so many hiccups.  I have learned much over the past 16 years of motherhood.  Whenever I think I have it figured out, I quickly realize that I have no idea what I am doing.  I would love to share what I have learned and keep memories for my children along the way.  

Four years ago our family welcomed a cute little China doll into our home.  She was two years old and has completely changed our lives.  At the time I was blogging and found it helpful to express our challenges and successes.  That is until it got too hard.  Then I wasn't sure what to share.  I wasn't sure if I wanted all my flaws out there for all the world to see.  So I stopped blogging and I turned inward.  Life got harder.  I got more frustrated.  Most days it felt like I was finding more hiccups than sunshine. 

A few months ago we started going to a therapist.  Four years into this journey I am fully aware that some things will never change.  I just want tools to help me cope better.  To help me become a better mom.  The therapist suggested I start journaling.  He said that we need to share our story with our little girl.  It is part of our family history.  I've felt prompted that possibly our story can also help someone else, so I am going to do my journaling in the form of a blog. 

Having an adoptive child, a child with abandonment issues, a child with trust issues has affected our entire family.  I seriously thought I had this parenting thing figured out until our little China doll came into our home.  I soon realized that I had nothing figured out.  Soon the adjustments began to affect our other children as well.  Anxiety became more pronounced.  Anger became more prevalent.  Tears began to flow more often.  

We have grown so much as a family over the past four years.  I would never go back and change our choice to adopt.  Some days I wish I would have handled certain situations better, but I know that you can't dwell on the past.  You have to learn, do better, and move on.  This has been a hard lesson to learn.  Mom guilt can eat us all alive.  

I will share experiences from the past as a way to share with our little girl.  I will also share experiences we are having now.  Our family dynamics are a little odd.  We have two teenagers, a tweener, two younger kids who are practically twins, and a foreign exchange student living with us as well this school year.  We also have a small zoo a dog, a kitten, three lizards, a cockroach colony (more about that later), a dwarf hamster, and a fish that just doesn't seem to want to die.  Life is crazy busy.  Most days it's a little hard to keep up.  We have lots of fun together.  Most days my teenagers even like me and I like them.      

I hope that you can find some sunshine along with the hiccups as you follow my journey.